Treading Water

Me (one the left) at age 6
Me (on the left) at age 6 with my sister

Puberty was very unkind to me. Seemingly overnight, I effortlessly put on 50 pounds. In Middle School. Since I had always been really scrawny, my mom was worried about me and took me to the doctor. From that moment on, I have been in a constant battle with my weight, and by extension my health.

In High School, I discovered Water Polo and the swim team. I was healthy, fit, and trim, although I still saw myself as overweight.  I began to learn what being overweight actually meant in College when I no longer had my mom’s cooking and sports to keep me fit.  The Freshman 15 was more of a “every-semester-15” for me. Unless I actively fight against it, weight just seems to pile itself on in a never ending stream. A marriage and two babies later and I now understand that I can never stand still on the health front. If I don’t consistently exercise and control my food addictions then I steadily gain weight.

For a while I chose to accept myself as overweight, though truthfully, more than overweight actually, obese. I have recently realized that I am not comfortable with the physical restrictions that come with being heavy. I have a toddler that likes when mom chases her around the house or plays on the playground with her. I enjoy jet skiing and tubing and recently had a experience with two other family members that involved getting tipped off of a jet ski because it couldn’t handle our combined weight. My husband loves to hike and I want to be able to keep up with him.

I want to take my life back but it’s not the initial weight loss that seems the most daunting, although it is daunting,it is the maintaining part that worries me most. I can’t stop and float once I am back to a healthy weight, I must constantly tread water. And that terrifies me.

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