Whole30: Day 15

Today is the halfway point! It is all downhill from here now, right?? In other fabulous news, I decided to go try on a few pairs of jeans and shorts in my closet that I either, haven’t fit in since before my second baby, Eloise, or I haven’t been wearing much because of the heat, and miracle of miracles, they all fit! And by fit, I mean, I didn’t have to squeeze myself into them! The jeans slipped on easily and buttoned without having to hold my breath or wear a pair of spanx! I feel like I am back to the weight I was before I had Eloise. I wore one of the jeans last month and had to squeeze uncomfortably into them, now they feel great, possibly even a little loose! Such a good feeling!

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Whole30: Day 9

I watched the movie Fed Up this afternoon. It is a documentary about how deadly and addictive sugar is. I highly recommend seeing it. My heart broke for the overweight and obese kids in this movie. I had a glimpse of that pain in middle school.

My mom took me to the doctor when I packed on 50 pounds in less than a year. She was understandably worried and concerned for me and had the doctor run some tests. If I recall correctly, one of those tests was a blood test that determined that I had high cholesterol. I was chubby and depressed and didn’t understand what was going on with me.

This documentary explained so much about what was going on. Middle School was the first time candy, treats, and greasy foods were available at every lunch and after school in the student store. My mom only gave me money to buy a school lunch once a week, but what she probably wasn’t aware of is how often I spent my own money to buy hostess cupcakes to go with the lunches she packed. They came in packs of three and I could not resist those things. If that wasn’t enough, I also sold See’s chocolate bars to make money for camp. I am pretty sure I singlehandedly paid for camp that year with all of the chocolate I sold to myself. 

What is so scary about sugar is all the places it’s hidden. It is added into everything. The movie stated that of all processed food on the market, 80% have ADDED sugar. My mom tried hard to provide us with nutritious meals at home but she was powerless to stop me from finding sugar-laden food elsewhere.

My biggest hope is that this Whole30 will help me find the strength and knowledge to live on less sugar. I hope to provide my two girls a home of clean, healthy, whole foods where sugar is a rarity. I pray they are able to resist sugar’s temptation better than I have.

Treading Water

Me (one the left) at age 6
Me (on the left) at age 6 with my sister

Puberty was very unkind to me. Seemingly overnight, I effortlessly put on 50 pounds. In Middle School. Since I had always been really scrawny, my mom was worried about me and took me to the doctor. From that moment on, I have been in a constant battle with my weight, and by extension my health.

In High School, I discovered Water Polo and the swim team. I was healthy, fit, and trim, although I still saw myself as overweight.  I began to learn what being overweight actually meant in College when I no longer had my mom’s cooking and sports to keep me fit.  The Freshman 15 was more of a “every-semester-15” for me. Unless I actively fight against it, weight just seems to pile itself on in a never ending stream. A marriage and two babies later and I now understand that I can never stand still on the health front. If I don’t consistently exercise and control my food addictions then I steadily gain weight.

For a while I chose to accept myself as overweight, though truthfully, more than overweight actually, obese. I have recently realized that I am not comfortable with the physical restrictions that come with being heavy. I have a toddler that likes when mom chases her around the house or plays on the playground with her. I enjoy jet skiing and tubing and recently had a experience with two other family members that involved getting tipped off of a jet ski because it couldn’t handle our combined weight. My husband loves to hike and I want to be able to keep up with him.

I want to take my life back but it’s not the initial weight loss that seems the most daunting, although it is daunting,it is the maintaining part that worries me most. I can’t stop and float once I am back to a healthy weight, I must constantly tread water. And that terrifies me.