Yesterday’s excitement was tainted by my almost 9 month old going on a nursing strike. In addition, she woke up long before the sun screaming to be fed, something I thought she had finally outgrown. I nursed my oldest until she was 14 months old and hoped to do the same for my baby. I am a little worried that they change in my diet could be a factor, but I am still eating plenty of calories, just better calories so I can’t logically see how that would be a problem. Part of me wonders if I am selfish for putting so much time and energy into my diet and exercise lately and that it is somehow affecting nursing.
Truthfully, I am unsure if the problem is on my end or hers. All day I have been pumping and chugging water and extra calories and trying to coax a distracted and uninterested baby into nursing for more than a few seconds. There is a small part of me that is tempted to just give in and give up nursing, to call nine months enough and allow myself to be done. It has been three years since the last time I wasn’t pregnant or nursing and that freedom is very alluring. But a bigger part of me has cried the few times I have had to supplement over the last few days.
When I sat down to write this post, I only planned to write about my meal plan, but then my nursing struggle just slipped out. It feels good to let it out. If anyone out there has any experience or advice on the matter, I am all ears.
Now that that is out of the way, here are all the dinners I have planned for this week:
Monday – Fend for yourself (I ended up having a breakfast salad and everyone else had grilled cheese)
Tuesday – Wedge Salad with Avocado Ranch Dressing and Cracklin Chicken (see picture)
Wednesday – Salsa Verde Shredded Beef Burrito Bowls (because I already finished off the leftovers from a few days ago and I have been craving it ever since!)
Thursday – Lettuce Wrap Burgers
Friday – Beef Stew (sub beef broth for wine to make it whole30 approved) over Crispy Potatoes
Saturday – Grilled Chicken with Tarragon Mushroom Cream Sauce Sauce (this was on last week’s meal plan but we had something quicker instead)
Sunday – Pot Roast
To see last weeks Meal Plan click here
When I was pregnant with my second, a friend candidly told me how hard two is. Her intent was not to scare me, it was more like a warning that things were going to be hard for a while. I honestly thought things would be different for me. I thought that the reason my first was so good natured and easy was because of my parenting (haha).
Having one kid, piece of cake. My first baby was an angel and such a good sleeper. My second, has thrown me for a loop. With one, I never understood what other parents were going through when they complained about sleep deprivation and needing time alone. My oldest has always been easy going and adaptable. We could take her anywhere, she entertains herself, and we always got a full nights sleep, pretty much from day one.
Times have changed. Pretty much everything about baby #2 has been different. My recovery was much harder and getting her to sleep was (and is!) much harder. It probably didn’t help that we moved across the country when she was 2 months old. And now, I am struggling. Two is very hard. I feel defeated and alone.
There is also a small part of me that is resentful about having to share my body with another little person. I was still nursing #1 when I got pregnant with #2 so for the last 3 years I have had to share myself physically with my girls. I used to love nursing, but lately it’s felt like a chore.
I just want to be able to sleep uninterrupted at night! I want a few nights away from my kids so I can reconnect with my husband. I feel like I have been in survival mode for too long. I want to feel refreshed instead of totally drained.
My neck has been so stiff the last few days that I can hardly move. On top of that, I haven’t had a restful night’s sleep for weeks. My 6-month old’s nighttime sleep regresses every few weeks, and this week has been the worst in months. She is up every 3-4 hours and my patience is all but gone.
For some crazy reason, I have also decided to start potty training my two year old. She peed in the toilet for the first time today! Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was a little too much and she promptly stopped midstream and jumped off her little potty. She wouldn’t sit back down to finish and ended up going in her diaper instead. I think I scared her so badly that she will be in diapers forever!
Everyday, it seems I have a really good reason to skip CrossFit. But, surprisingly, my attendance is greater than ever. Last week I finally got brave enough to attempt a box jump and was successful! It’s wimpy, but I have been so scared of hitting my shins that I haven’t even tried before now. Even though the box was only twelve inches tall, I still feel so proud! I am getting closer and closer to Rx-ing a workout.
CrossFit may just be the only thing keeping me sane.